A “Good Woman”


“I don’t relate to this stuff at all. Do women actually relate to this? Is this what I’m supposed to be like? I don’t think the writers of this material actually understand women as people.”

“Maybe women are changing.” she suggested.

This sunk it’s hook in my mind, and grew deeper. The standards and stereotypes for men and women are becoming outdated and obsolete. Is it true? Has the change so reshaped our minds? Was it ever applicable or have we become less tolerant to bend to expectations?

Gender roles are becoming blurred, and I wonder how much was ever nature and how much is shaped through nurturing. Much of what we think of as gender traits actually vary between individuals of humanity as a whole. We hide what need be hidden, and push what is required for our desired image. How much do we really know about each other and even ourselves?

I was explaining to someone recently why I’m sure cross gender friendships are so critical. We need to learn that we are all people and so at the base, all the same. We need to navigate our differences, and pick through the deceit that has been embedded in us. How is anyone expected to pick a life partner who is supposedly so different than they are that they can’t relate them as companions?

Men are insecure, as well as women.

Women are strong, as well as men.

These are not traits that belong to any one group of people. We imprint what we want to see and create our own reality.

Many well meaning, God fearing women have instructed me that my purpose in life is to submit to a husband, subdued in reverent silence. Even though I am not with him yet he’s out there somewhere, so to God it’s like we’re already married. It’s not my place to use my voice. To have power, to question, to lead, to think.

“Women are emotional creatures, and men are thinkers.”

It’s not my job to think, but to be the heart of a relationship.

I’ve been on a quest to find what it is to be a woman. What is woman? Surely we are not only a “helper” to man. A place mat. If that were the case,  would we not be made more like animals? God created us with minds, hopes, desires, purpose, and vision. Maybe the roles for men and women are different, but we have greatly misunderstood what they are.

Trying to place myself into this mold has enticed so much anger, such restlessness. I now understand I do not fit.

Determined to be a ‘good woman’, I am not getting what I need, and I’m starving. This cannot be God’s intent for me. If this is wrong, then what is right? Is correctly following a gender formula really so important? The answer steadily forming is no. We give it far more importance than it holds worth.

If I were to be in a relationship I do not wish to lead, nor do I wish to follow. I would choose someone who would love my mind, reverently. He would add to my thoughts, sharing them as his own while letting me explore and treasure his mind in return.

I am not interested in domination. No one will ever take me.

Does this mean I’m not the ideal woman? Maybe I’m wrong and a good man deserves more than I have. In such a case, maybe marriage is not for me.

I suspect most women feel similarly as I do, but they silence themselves to make room for what’s ‘right’. Is a good woman meek and subdued, or is she strong and developed in character? Is she able to conduct her thoughts to be used as tools? To instruct and empower with her knowledge and wisdom? Is she the captain of her own mind or does she merely follow?

Can a woman be a leader? If the answer is no, then I am not a woman.


One response to “A “Good Woman”

  1. So my opinion,
    The paragraph that starts with…”if I were to be in a relationship”…is right on. That is how I believe it is created to be. Both man and woman giving not 50% each but both giving and loving 100%. Equals – yes, different – absolutely, but all loved equally and gifted differently by their loving creator.


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